This is my 100th post.. and it is the sadest post ever.. last night 11.10(Malaysia time) my beloved great grandmother has left this world and gone to heaven.. I wasn't told until this morning.. I can't accept this.. I don't want this to happen.. She said she would wait for me.. She said she would.. but now.. she is gone.. and I don't get to see her.. I didn't have mental preparation in June that that was the last time for me to see her.. and that was the last time for me to call her "ah zhor" and that was the last time for her to kiss my hand.. that was the last time for her to see me.. that was the last time for her to call me "e-ling".. I don't want this to happen.. I really don't.. I can't accept it.. I can't.. I want to go home.. I want to go home.. but dad said it was pointless for me to go back.. cuz she won't be able to talk to me anymore.. I want to see her.. I want!!! Dad said God had arranged everything.. and this is God's decision.. but why didn't God give me a chance to say bye bye to her.. why didn't God arrange it some time later.. but not now.. I don't know the answers.. but dad kept on telling me that ah zhor went peacefully.. if she stays.. she will suffer more.. I know.. but I really miss ah zhor.. I want her back.. I want ah zhor..
Ah Zhor.. can you hear me calling you over and over again? Do you know that I really miss you??
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